Last week I was having a hard time finding the energy to post all that much. Since Monday was a holiday it did make the week start out on a different track than normal so that may have had something to do with it. It was also the first week of rejections (sort of) from the festival circuit and I was feeling a little less than positive. It is something you feel you should be prepared for it, but it is still a little rough.
When applying for festivals you apply for the most prestigious first and then work your way down. So really I had the smallest of small chances of getting into the first wave of festivals I applied for (and there are still a few whose tell by dates are later this month and for at least one of those I am almost certain I won't get in), but for some reason this is when all my self doubt begins to surface.
I keep thinking that no one will program a film about ballet and why did I make a film with all women again? People want to hear male voices. This is the sad truth about our society. At this point I have only been rejected by two or three festivals, but for some reason this is the hardest hurdle to get over. I am not sure why. When I watch my film now all I can think of are the reasons people will hate it instead of why they may love it. Some of the reasons are so miniscule like a sound pop that more than likely only myself and, perhaps, someone who is really into sound will hear.
I understand that there is a lot more that goes into programming a festival beyond whether a film is good. And these festivals at the beginning of my festival campaign get many thousands of entries. I can't even imagine how hard it is for programmers to whittle 5,000 films down to 100. Yikes. Of course just because something makes sense in your head doesn't mean it makes sense in you heart. Is that way too corny?
This week I am trying to put all that behind me and get back into the swing of a normal week. We are moving out of our apartment and into a house in the next few weeks so a lot is going on. If I am lucky I will be able to focus on other things and not even think about the upcoming notifications. Once February is over the notifications are much more random so I will have a better chance at forgetting that they are looming on the horizon.
I also remind myself of what it felt like a few weeks ago when someone who has seen the film made a fairly direct quote from the film in something I was reading. She wasn't promoting the film and didn't even reference the film at all, but clearly a moment from the film has stayed with her and she had been thinking about it. It made me feel that my work left an impression. Of course, it also meant that I want more people to see it.
(quote from pinterest; I think it might be about love relationships, but is also quite appropriate for the love-hate film fest journey)
